


Presidential Affairs

by bobinskyland



Category: The US government, haikyuu
Genre: Actually I'm Not Sorry, Angst, Crack Treated Seriously, Drama, I hate it here, I want celery, Jealous Kuroo Tetsurou, Jealous Oikawa Tooru, Multi, Plot Twists, Thanks, There might be fluff too idk, W H Y, Why did we write this?, Yandere, and find ur real mbti type, clueless iwazumi, find some better quizzes, hinata is trumps son, i hate celery, if you are reading this at midnight stop, if you are reading this stop, if you used 16 personalities, im sorry, one of the weirdest fics you've read, or im coming for ur eyelids, read the next tags as a sentence, rip author, so much drama, study the 8 functions, to find ur mbti type, ur wrong, we arent paying for ur therapy, what are we on, why, yandere Akaashi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:48:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28444926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobinskyland/pseuds/bobinskyland
Summary: drama,suspense,actionhaikyuu x us governmentwe are sorry in advance
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou/Joe Biden, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Iwazumi Hajime/Mike Pence, Kozume Kenma/Donald Trump, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Barack Obama, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 14
Kudos: 26





	1. Memories

**Author's Note:**

> this should probably update on mondays but we lazy here so sorry in advance if updates are slow. Oh wait why does it say its completed, well its not, Ill try to fix it

**CHAPTER ONE: MEMORIES**

kenma’s pov

I remembered my first meeting with Trump like it was yesterday. I could recall every little detail of our first encounter. If only I could go back and relive every moment of our time together. When he entered the office after being elected, I hadn’t expected to be struck with such intense feelings.

I knew the moment our eyes met that he felt the same strange feeling as I did. Butterflies swarmed through my stomach, and by the slightly nervous look in his eyes, I could tell he felt the exact same way. I memorised every single inch of his face in those few moments of our first meeting. The way his square head sharply angled, his skin a lovely orange. He was wearing a navy suit that suited him perfectly. He looked tall and powerful, just like a president should. Every single inch of his body was utter perfection, something inside me craved his attention.

I just had to get to know him. Luckily, I could see that he wanted to get to know me too. I would always catch him stealing glances when he thought I wasn’t looking. The way he would stare into my eyes, I could practically see the universe shining inside them. He always knew how to make me happy, always knew how to make me feel special, like I was the only person that mattered.

As the days passed, our relationship grew, and soon I’d have to jump extra hurdles to hide it from Kuroo, my boyfriend. Of course, Kuroo held a special place in my heart. He would give me anything I could ever desire. New switch games, fish nets, all sorts of new and trendy clothing. But nothing had made me so happy as he did. My president. My Donald J Trump. There was just something that Trump could give me that Kuroo never did.

So as I stood there, with his hands tangled in my hair, and his mouth moving gently against mine. Each time our lips connected, another memory shoved itself forward. Each a vivid memory of how I got here.  
I remember dragging Hinata, out of the very room his parents were fighting in. I remember locking eyes with him. Those eyes told me everything I needed to know. I remember walking with him to the nearby pie shop, learning more about his family as we walked. I remember Trump thanking me afterward. More memories continued flooding into my brain as we kissed. Memories of Trump himself, memories of getting to know his son, Hinata. I remember laughing with them at the pie crust all over his face. I remember the night that Trump and I stayed up late, talking in bed about the future,about what we really truly desired in life. All these memories pulled me away from reality as I got lost in our deepening kiss. Everything melted away until it was just him and I.

kuroo’s pov

As I walked down the narrow halls of the White House, I couldn't get him out of mind. He consumed my thoughts, all I could think about. Every time his face popped into head and I instantly felt my heart race and butterflies flutter around in my stomach. Kenma. He was truly one of the most amazing people I’d ever met. And not only that but he was utterly gorgeous. Kenma. An angel who floated gently down from heaven, a bomb that completely changed my life.  
I would trust him with anything. He respected the things that I’ve wanted to keep between us. He was the single most understanding person in the world. I just knew it. I loved him. That was the conclusion. I loved Kenma Kozume. I loved his silky voice, the voice that told me that everything was going to be okay. I loved his gentle touch that never failed to set me aflame. His tiny laugh that jingled like silver bells. His bright smile had enough power to light up the universe. Everything about Kenma Kozume was utterly perfect. I, Kuroo Tetsuroo, was the luckiest man on earth to be able to call Kenma mine. Oh how badly did I want to keep him forever. I was ready, I knew it. I was ready to seal the deal on our beyond perfect relationship. I was ready to be with Kenma Kozume, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. My heart beat for him. Every waking moment I spent thinking about him. Loving him. I never wanted to leave his side. He was my soulmate. I was ready to join me and Kenma together as one, an unstoppable duo, together we could move mountains and conquer the world. We would stay together beyond death, our love was just that powerful. I just knew it.

I just knew it, or so I had thought. I stood there, my heart shattering into thousands of jagged pieces. Kenma said he had loved me the way I loved him, but as I watched him passionately kissing another, as he used to me, I realised that I was a fool. A fool for believing that Kenma’s love was real. Kenma was no angel, but a demon who had stolen my heart and ripped to shreds with his claws.

I had given him my everything. My love, my devotion, my trust, I had given Kenma Kozume my soul. The true demon that lurked inside Kenma had taken it all, and destroyed it. All that was left of me was an empty shell, barren of all life. I couldn’t bring myself to hate Kenma, for I was a fool to have believed him. Numbness flooded through my body like an ocean wave. I couldn't tell if I was a raging tide of emotion, full of pain and regret, or if I were a bathtub slowly being drained from the inside.  
Time stopped as I watched the love of my life kiss another man right before my very eyes, I felt like I was another person watching from afar. My vision began to cloud with tears, my throat ached, and felt like the foggy demon inside was trying to claw its way out. I could barely conceal the desperate sobs that were trying to make an escape from my body. My legs were jello, trembling lightly. I gripped the door handle for stability, trying to pull myself back to reality. Trying to tell myself that what was playing before my eyes wasn’t true. I let the world slowly dissolve in front of me for a few more precious seconds before I ran.


	2. UPDATE

hello..  
we are not dead :>  
our author keeps on running away :,(  
we will update one day  
we're like 1/3 done with chapter two  
so yeah :p

also we'll delete this after like a week then probably post sometime in feb-march  
have a nice day :<


	3. Standoff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello!  
> this is actually supposed to be chapter two, but we recently posted a little update before this, and we don't want to take it down and make it look like we haven't updated.  
> anyway, enjoy!

**CHAPTER TWO: STANDOFF**

“IWAAAAA-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN”

“What.”

“I’m so hoooott and stuffyyy, I don't waaannnaa gooooooo!”

“That’s not an excuse for not doing your job Lazy-kawa,”

“IWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAA-CHAAAAN”

“Oikawa, if you don’t shut your goddamn mouth, then I will.”

“What are you implying Iwa-chan,” Oikawa cooed, raising a suggestive eyebrow.

“Shut up.” Iwaizumi sighed in frustration. Iwaizumi sat up straight letting in a deep breath, taking a moment to calm down before sighing. Oikawa was right. The car that the two were traveling in was hot.

“Waaatcha doin Iwa?”

“There’s this thing Oikawa I don’t know if you have heard of it though. It’s super cool, it's called personal space,” Iwaizumi grumbled.

“Really, I’ve never heard of that before,” Oikawa sang as he inched forward, ”Care to enlighten me~” Rolling his eyes, Iwaizumi turned his head to gaze out the window.

“Are we there yeeeettttt.”

“We’re almost there, look you can see it through the window.” Almost as if he was a kid at a candy store, Oikawa scurried over to his window, pressing his face against the glass, desperately trying to get a better view of the building they were swiftly approaching. Even at a distance, it stood tall and transfixed anyone who laid it’s eyes upon it. The little details that covered the structure made it almost impossible not to study. Even Iwaizumi, who always tries to act cool, gaped at the building that lay before his eyes.

“Woooahhhhh, look at that Iwa. Isn’t it amazing?” gasped, astounded. Iwaizumi glanced over to look at Oikawa. His slender hands pressed flat against the glass. His eyes, wide with awe. Iwaizumi lightly chuckled to himself, hiding the small smile that painted his face. Turning back to face the road, Iwaizumi noticed that they had finally arrived. Before Iwaizumi could even get up to open Oikawas door, Oikawa burst out the car, practically bouncing with glee.

“Oh man, I can’t believe we’re finally here! Can you believe it Iwa?” Oikawa chirped, eyes gleaming.

“If you make one more comment on how excited you are shit-head so help me-”

“Oh lighten up Iwa, I’m just having a little fun before we get professional. You should know exactly what I’m talking about,” Oikawa suggested, winking.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” Iwaizumi yelled, somehow clueless about Oikawa's ulterior motives. Choosing to ignore Oikawa’s antics, he turned into the valet stand. There stood a tall man, waiting patiently for Iwaizumi to bring him the keys. Gracefully reaching his hand out, the man took the keys and stored them safely in the valet stand. Iwaizumi glanced backward, motioning for Oikawa to exit the car. Almost as if descending from Walmart, Oikawa floated out of the car utilising his most sexy walk to hopefully catch Iwaizumi’s attention, only to be completely ignored.

However, Oikawa was not to be deterred, reaching out, he gingerly grabbed Iwaizumi’s hand. Thus beginning his second seduction attempt. Flustered, yet not phased, Iwaizumi snatched his hand back, sending a sharp glare Oikawa’s way.

“Now’s not the time for your shitty pranks. We have a meeting to attend, put on your big boy pants and start taking this seriously.” Iwaizumi scolded, his cold gaze never faltering. Slightly taken aback, Oikawa withdrew his hand and turned toward the entrance.

Done with Oikawa’s bullshit, Iwaizumi swiftly grabbed OIkawa’s hand and yanked him inside the meeting room. Inside sat Mike Pence and a few tough looking bodyguards. His arms crossed on the desk, Mike Pence sat scrolling through cat videos on his phone. Glancing around the room, Iwaizumi quickly noticed Donald Trump was missing. Finding this to be strange, but not unusual, Iwaizumi plopped down behind Oikawa.

“Oikawa, Iwaizumi, nice to see you.” Mike Pence drawled, greeting the two. His gaze lingering a bit longer than he should have on Iwaizumi. However, Iwaizumi didn’t notice, as he had his attention fixed on the meeting that was about to begin. Oikawa, perceptive as ever, noticed and tensed in his seat. A small frown forming on his face, as he clenched his fists. In his peripheral vision, Iwaizumi noticed Oikawa's form stiffen, leading him to cast a concerned look. He studied his face, questioning the mood change. Before Iwaizumi could further investigate, Mike Pence began talking.

“We should start off this meeting by discussing the recent inauguration, and our plans henceforth,” Mike Pence spoke, his voice filling the room.

_~Time skip because we don't know how political meetings work~_

After the meeting was adjourned, Mike Pence walked the two out of the room. The ever observant Oikawa noticed the glint in Pence’s eyes as they lingered on Iwaizumi for the upteenth time. Fed up with this shit, Oikawa snapped.

“Would you quit staring at Iwa-chan like that? I’m sure he doesn’t appreciate it and I certainly don’t,” Oikawa snarled, his eyes daggers. Taken aback, Mike Pence froze, his face contorting into rage.

“I’m sorry what did you just say to me?” Pence shot back in a combination of laughter and mockery. Oikawa quickly closed the space between the two, glaring at Mike Pence.

“I said, stop giving Iwaizumi those dirty ass looks that you’ve been giving him all day. I’ll have you know that he’s mine.” Iwaizumi swore he could see smoke come out of the two’s ears as they practically tore each other apart over him.

“I don’t see your name on him.” Pence rebutled. A smirk formed on Pence’s face, believing his remark had won the battle. Oikawa scoffed loudly, turning up his nose as he grabbed Iwaizumi’s hand.

“C’mon Iwa-chan, we’re leaving,” Oikawa growled, dragging Iwaizumi with him.

“Oh, leaving so soon? But we haven’t even got to exchange phone numbers.” Mike Pence purred as he grabbed Iwaizumi’s hand, spinning him around to face him. Iwaizumi stiffened, his face barely an inch away from Pence. “Whaddya say Iwa-chan, care to stay for a while?” Pence said, tilting up Iwaizumi’s chin slightly. A fuming Oikawa charged forwards, claiming what was rightfully his. Pulling Iwaizumi back into his arms, spinning around, his back toward Pence as he looked deep into his eyes.

“My dear Iwa-chan, are you okay? I’m so sorry, I promise I will never let that piece of filth touch you ever again,” Oikawa spoke softly, stroking Iwaizumi’s face as he inspected it for damage. Outraged, Pence stormed after Oikawa with murderous intent, his arm raising. Quickly, Iwaizumi pushed Oikawa to the side just in time to save him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iwazumi is so oblivious i am so sorry  
> anyway, sorry for the late update!  
> we'll try to get the next chapter out sooner!  
> our goal is to get it out before april, our author keeps disappearing.  
> have a nice day! hope you enjoyed :>


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